My mom confessed to me last night that she and my dad went
to see Dr. Barnes, my surgeon whose specialty is gynecological oncology,
without me. I was very angry because I don’t want any information dealing with
my cancer withheld from me. Both my parents apologized and said that was not
their intention. Dr. Barnes still agrees with Dr. Gore that the alternative
chemo option, BEP chemo, is not worth exploring because it will make me
completely miserable without the payoff of adding time to my life. Continuing
with the Avastin treatments will give me give me the best quality of life
during my remaining time, which Dr. Barnes estimates is between 6 months and 1
year. I think this is what they tried to explain to me the last time I saw them
– that with the Avastin treatments, I will feel the best I can for the rest of
my life. I had just imagined that the Avastin could give me a lot more time
than 6 months to a year. Last night I broke down and cried because honestly I
am just so scared of what I will be facing. I considered dropping all my
classes last night to just get rid of the extra stress they cause and because
it seems that I probably won’t have enough time to finish my degree. Today I am
feeling a bit better and I decided to keep my classes because I think staying
occupied really helps me fight off depression. Being concerned with meeting
deadlines for completing assignments or studying for tests really helps keep me
from dwelling on the shitty stuff. My family wants to go with me on a little
trip during Thanksgiving break if I am feeling up to it. Right now we are
thinking of Las Vegas. I was originally not excited about that destination but
after looking it up, there are a lot of fun things to do there that don’t
involve gambling. Also, the Grand Canyon is nearby. I think it will be a very
tiring trip for me, but I really wanted to get out and do something special,
especially since it could be my last chance.
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| The Grand Canyon |
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| The fountain at the Bellagio |
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| The Strip |
Let me know if you've been to Las Vegas and did something fun there that I might not know about. Or if you have any traveling tips or ideas.
