My mom confessed to me last night that she and my dad went
to see Dr. Barnes, my surgeon whose specialty is gynecological oncology,
without me. I was very angry because I don’t want any information dealing with
my cancer withheld from me. Both my parents apologized and said that was not
their intention. Dr. Barnes still agrees with Dr. Gore that the alternative
chemo option, BEP chemo, is not worth exploring because it will make me
completely miserable without the payoff of adding time to my life. Continuing
with the Avastin treatments will give me give me the best quality of life
during my remaining time, which Dr. Barnes estimates is between 6 months and 1
year. I think this is what they tried to explain to me the last time I saw them
– that with the Avastin treatments, I will feel the best I can for the rest of
my life. I had just imagined that the Avastin could give me a lot more time
than 6 months to a year. Last night I broke down and cried because honestly I
am just so scared of what I will be facing. I considered dropping all my
classes last night to just get rid of the extra stress they cause and because
it seems that I probably won’t have enough time to finish my degree. Today I am
feeling a bit better and I decided to keep my classes because I think staying
occupied really helps me fight off depression. Being concerned with meeting
deadlines for completing assignments or studying for tests really helps keep me
from dwelling on the shitty stuff. My family wants to go with me on a little
trip during Thanksgiving break if I am feeling up to it. Right now we are
thinking of Las Vegas. I was originally not excited about that destination but
after looking it up, there are a lot of fun things to do there that don’t
involve gambling. Also, the Grand Canyon is nearby. I think it will be a very
tiring trip for me, but I really wanted to get out and do something special,
especially since it could be my last chance.
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| The Grand Canyon |
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| The fountain at the Bellagio |
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| The Strip |
Let me know if you've been to Las Vegas and did something fun there that I might not know about. Or if you have any traveling tips or ideas.
glad you're feeling like you want to focus on your schoolwork.. definitely helps a person's mind. just focus on doing your best.
ReplyDeletethis is just my opinion. i'm not an expert or anything, but i think no one knows for sure how long you have. even experts are wrong, maybe it's a long time, maybe not as long. regardless.
you have things you need to do.
I'm going to try to make the best of it either way. :-)
DeleteSaying BEP chemo is not worth exploring because it will make your life miserable just boggles my mind considering what Avastin will do to you if things aren't the perfect storm of no negative side effects they seem to be hoping you'll get.
ReplyDeleteIs it because of the complications that would come up from you already being Type 1 diabetic plus the chemo you already went through basically making the cancer more able to resist the BEP regimen?
Yes, both my original oncologist and my surgeon whose specialty is gynecological oncology feel that my cancer is chemo resistant and after going through BEP, the cancer will just return quickly again. The plan with Avastin seems to be to make me feel the best I can with the limited time I have left.
DeleteI think it sounds good to continue with your life as much as you can as long as you're enjoying the things you do. Las Vegas seems cool, and Crand Canyon seems amazing. I hope you get a nice trip there.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's a great time :-)
DeleteVegas is so much fun! My Mom and I went last year and had a great time! I will tell you DO NOT DRINK THE WATER or use it at all if you can help it! There are bacterias and risks of contamination in the water of small areas with huge populations. People fighting cancer are more at risk than the average person. I'm convinced that is what caused my mom's super dangerous pneumonia. Go, but be safe with your health.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the tip! Message me if you have any more advice about the trip!
DeleteApparently you can zip-line! I've never been to Vegas but I heard there are AWESOME zip-lines!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
That sounds like it could be fun :-)
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