I’ve sort of settled into feeling weak, confined, lousy,
sickly, and dead tired. It’s the norm now, as I’ve been dealing with cancer for
about half of a year. It’s so surreal though that it sort of escapes me at
times. I almost forget about cancer. Then it will hit me almost as if it's a big surprise all over.
Most of my days feel almost identical as
time passes. I don’t even battle with cabin fever so much anymore because logic
and empirical data reminds me that going out generally leads to feeling
terrible and is therefore not worth it in most cases.
I want the norm to go
back to being more… normal. I feel like when this finally happens, something
especially wonderful needs to occur. It’s childish but I wish for something to
happen that somehow makes up for all the things cancer has taken from me.
Everything from the big, like my time and my ovary, to the less significant,
like my hair. I don't really know what I expect/want though.
Too tired to write anything coherent. Maybe I should Google “how to write a decent
blog” after a nap.
I like to think that every bit of normal you get back WILL be wonderful to you.. you'll cherish and be really happy with every victory and recovery you go through. Maybe something extraordinary will happen, something grand and unexpected. But I have a feeling you will still be very happy with just normal, typical. Seeing that most people have trouble being happy, cancer or no, I think that change in perspective is a positive thing.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right. Just getting out to go to a regular class or to work will be exciting. When going to the grocery store doesn't feel like climbing a mountain, that will be amazing. :-)
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