What a rough day…

Today was supposed to be the day I still felt ok because the steroids from chemo would hold me over and keep me feeling good until tomorrow. No, not at all. I feel horrible. When I went in to get my usual neulasta shot at 2:30, they also gave me a bag of fluids because my blood sugars wouldn’t come down and I just felt awful. On top of that, my skin and eyes and nose were burning… On the way to the hospital I had to stop for gas because I was sitting on empty. Well, when I pulled the pump out, I guess something was stuck because it immediately started pumping gas everywhere, including all over my pants and shoes. And literally as gas is pumping everywhere, some idiot comes up to me and I guess tries to sell me a CD. I yelled, “I don’t care!!!” as I’m trying to figure out how to make the gas stop. WTF?

I didn’t want to be late for my appointment so I went reeking of gas. Everyone who was anywhere near me at the cancer center thought something was burning. Midway through getting my fluids, I started crying because I felt so awful and the smell was so overwhelming, and I guess it sunk in that all the nurses told me I would feel worse with each treatment. They put my socks, shoes, and pants in a garbage bag and gave me some giant paper shorts to wear. A nurse offered to let me wear the socks she’d had on all day but I would rather go barefoot than wear someone’s grungy stinky socks. “No thank you. I’m ok.” 

I can’t write anymore right now. I’m exhausted. The fluids helped a bit but I still feel terrible. And this post might be a fucking mess, but let me tell you, chemo brain is a real phenomenon.  Warning: these posts might just be going downhill from now on, along with me, maybe. 

Not looking forward to tomorrow, the day that was supposed to be the shit day.