zombie mode

Today I went back to the hospital to get my neulasta shot (white count booster) and to get some IV fluids, because between the chemo and the steroids making my blood sugars high, I have been so damn dehydrated. Dr. Gore had put in an order for me to get fluids each time I come in for my neulasta shot the day after chemo. However, Dr. Gore is in Spain (still jealous!) this week and his power happy RN tried to tell me I didn’t need fluids. Um, well my doctor said that I do, so let’s just go with what he has ordered, k? I have diabetes and I’m getting chemo therapy… pump me full of those fluids! Luckily, I did not even have to talk to her today and got my fluids without any trouble. Dealing with someone on a power trip is never a fun experience. 

The happy moment when I noticed the fluids were almost done! Took over 2 hours!

I remember the good ol’ days when I felt good the day of chemo and the day after (today). Not anymore. I am sooo tired! And my skin is red today all over as if I got sunburned while nude (though I have not spent much time naked in the sun at all…). The nurse who was in charge of me today said it could be the steroids. My balance is also getting progressively worse. I almost fell when I went to get the mail after getting home from the hospital. I like being able to walk. I would like to keep that ability, please. I think when I started chemo and wasn’t feeling so terribly at first, and this is going to sound completely ridiculous, I just kind of thought of it as a new, interesting adventure. Venturing out into an unknown. Exciting. I no longer feel that way in the least and could slap myself for ever thinking that way. I will be so damn happy when this is over with. 

Every time I go in for chemo, the first thing they ask me is if I’ve been to the emergency room or been hospitalized since my last treatment. On a positive note, I have not gotten terribly sick at all since starting chemo so no, I have not been to the emergency or been hospitalized and am always happy to report this. I hope between the neulasta shots and the obsessive hand washing, it will stay that way. I am thankful I have not been stuck in the hospital since January. That was not a fun month for me at all. 

I haven’t made the progress I had hoped to make in improving my mind during this slow time (reading or studying Spanish or investigating something worthwhile) but maybe I can improve my body a bit. I get no exercise at all anymore and it makes me feel flabby and gross. I thought chemo would at least make me super skinny but my appetite has been fine and I have almost no issues with nausea now so I haven’t lost that much weight. I know I’m going back to being ridiculous again because I should be glad I’m not puking my guts out every day. Oh to be a woman in this society! So difficult not to be hung up on weight all the time. I am thinking of trying to go to yoga classes though. It might make me feel better. I probably won’t have the energy this week, but maybe next week will be better. 

And now I think it is time for a nap! I’m just not sure how to do it without waking her up…