It’s getting more and more difficult to post here. I feel tired most of the time but I think it has a lot to do with the pain medication. So it’s a sort of groggy, doped up kind of tired. I also keep waking up over and over in the middle of the night because I get sick or have a lot of pain. I can’t remember the last night I had a good night’s sleep.
It seemed unfortunately but obvious that a trip to Vegas would be a terrible idea, so we were able to get my brother Ryan, the Marine, home through the Red Cross. My youngest brother Jake is trying to get back here as soon as he can so we can all spend time together. For now, being at home and able to rest as much as I need to, but still getting to see my family, seems much better than going off to Vegas.
Tomorrow I go over the results of yesterday’s CT scan with Dr. Gore. I’m not sure what to expect but it’s difficult to be optimistic as I seem to keep feeling worse and worse. I like Dr. Gore but of the doctors I’ve talked to, he the most difficult to listen to when trying to pick out the important facts. He tends to get off track in his speech and will start to tell analogies that I sometimes feel down play the seriousness of my situation. I catch myself zoning out accidentally when he goes off track and then I refocus to realize I probably missed something important. Also, of the doctors I’ve seem, Dr. Gore seems to be the most obviously hopeless about my case. I don’t think there is any way for the doctors to know for sure if it is hopeless or not but it all seems to be one big guessing game at this point. It’s nice when the other doctors balance out Dr. Gore by presenting plans without adding that nothing is going to ultimately work for me. It might sound strange or silly, but if it’s the absolute most I can hope for, I hope to feel decent and coherent during Christmas time. I’ve already been making a big deal about it and all the family will get together again then, so I really want it to be a special, happy time.
I don’t know how much more I can muster up to write so I will say that I had a really good time at the party my friends Jessica and Allison threw for me on Monday. These are my favorite picture from the party:
|My brother Ryan, my dad, me, and my mom|
|Clockwise (starting with Stacy in the hat): Stacy, Ashley, Nick, me, Jessica, Allison with her baby Stella, Zack, and Pam|