I had the CT scan this morning. I was planning on seeing my oncologist on Thursday to go over the results, but Dr. Barnes, the surgeon that took out my tumor, looked at the CT scan results and now he wants to see me tomorrow. I'm just so depressed. Why can't things just work out and be ok? Wishful thinking doesn’t cure cancer. I just wanted my fucking life back. Why do I need to see a surgeon? Will this ever end? Could I die from this?