Re:

Lately I’ve been so tired and depressed that I haven’t been responding to emails, messages or cards… or updating this blog. 

Because I haven’t been feeling well, I will copy and paste a response to an email asking how I am doing as a substitute for a real post:

“I'm sorry I have not written or stopped by lately. I've just been feeling really tired and depressed. I had a CT scan and then met with my oncologist and the surgeon who removed my original tumor. They saw that several tumors had grown very quickly in my intestines after having just finished 7 rounds of chemo 2 months before. They say the cancer is much more aggressive than it should be and it seems it is chemo-resistant. Right now I am on a different kind of treatment called Avastin. I was told that if the Avastin doesn't work, there are no more good options for me because my specific type of cancer is so rare. I feel like I'm just waiting to find out if I'm going to die, so it's been hard to feel happy about anything or motivated to do anything. I'm trying to keep up with my classes though so my mind will be occupied. However, I keep feeling sicker. Today I felt like I was going to fall asleep on the drive to class and on the drive home, and I felt so nauseous during class that I couldn't focus. I'm not depressed all the time but it's really difficult to stay positive right now. It's stupid but I never seriously considered that I could die from this cancer. I always thought I would get surgery and then chemo, and then everything would be ok to some extent. I'm sorry if this email is depressing, it's just hard not to worry about what's going to happen to me.”

My doctor started me on a real antidepressant because of the circumstances and how down I’ve been. Even though I was expecting it, my birthday present from BlueCross BlueShield was to get booted off both my parents’ health insurance policies for turning 26 years old. Just 15 capsules of Cymbalta cost $127.50 when you don’t have health insurance. It seems as though the Cymbalta is helping already though and we (me and my parents) have been working on getting the health insurance issue worked out. My dad is trying to get me on a program called COBRA. I also had a Social Security Disability hearing last month and was approved. I think I should get Medicaid or Medicare now as a result. 

So many people want me to get a second opinion even though I felt fine with waiting to see how this current treatment was going to work out. My mom got me an appointment with Dr. Huh at UAB hospital, a gynecologic oncologist. I have a lot of confidence in my current doctors though so it’s hard to imagine this new doctor coming up with something very different. I guess I will have to wait and see. I will update when I find something out.