Saturday, June 23, 2012

Stockholm Syndrome

When you aren’t particularly witty, that rare occasion when you have the perfect comeback or remark at the perfect moment can be somewhat exhilarating. If you are in the small percentage of truly clever people in this world, I suspect this high is not so high for you. The perfect (at least in my mind) comment is much more likely to pop into my head hours after that perfect moment to share it has passed. I don’t even have a story or example that I was leading up to. I think I was just wishing I was very clever. A note: saying the most clever and BRUTAL statement at the most opportune (most vulnerable) moment is nothing to feel exhilarated about. I am ashamed to confess that I’ve said some horrible things in the past, but each individual cutting remark or insult fills me with guilt to this day. If hurting people with well-crafted verbal abuses fills you with joy, you should consider seeing a therapist or at least do some soul searching.

I was once in love with the person who crafted this hateful rant and decided to post his “clever” creation has his self description on his dating site profile:

“Sometimes, when I meet someone, the terribly vacuous things that spew forth from the gaping chasm of stupidity carved into the fleshy orb resting on a serpentine neck weaken my perceptions, shoving me into a downward spiral, clawing towards unconsciousness.

When I awaken some time later, caked in blood - the origin of which is questionable - and still shivering from the earlier terrors of a stupid person, I sob uncontrollably before falling to my knees and thrusting my fists to the heavens as I scream, questioning the meaning of it all.

I also like green tea, Pop-Tarts, and headbutting infants.

[How boring can you people be? If all we have on which to base our opinions of you is a self-summary, maybe you should - I don't know - put some fucking effort into it? We already know you Suck Dick (and not in the sexy, sexy way) at Life™, so at least try to entertain us with your profile that reeks so badly of desperation I can smell it THROUGH THE INTERNET.]”

Another note: verbose and clever are not synonyms. 

I posted those words on my profile on this same site just as a silly experiment to keep myself entertained. I currently engage in a lot of silly behaviors to keep myself in good spirits. I let this person know as an afterthought, just thinking he might find it mildly amusing. No, he was upset that I stole his great and awesome work/his internet dating profile. “I put a lot of time into that” [profile to guarantee that no one will write to me]. Ok, undone. Changed. Not an issue for me. You can have your Mona Lisa back. Please let me know how I should repent for my wicked ways. I feel so privileged to have been gifted your more private works: “Die in a fire” and “If you weren’t a woman, I would drive to Alabama and beat the shit out of you” but I have not shared them until now as I felt they would not be palatable to the general public. 

I have always had excellent taste in men. :-D

Straight away I stole my Swedish friend Daniel’s profile and changed my location to Stockholm. Of course he did not care.

Cancer news: I am feeling better and stronger than last week. So glad to feel well enough to go out to eat with both of my parents this week. :-)


  1. So glad to hear you are feeling better.

  2. On the subject of comback lines: