Vive la France!

I am no longer Masha...

From now on, call me Marie!

(¡Or María! ¡Viva la México!)

"I'm as serious as cancer..."

I finally slept really well last night! Possibly because I stayed up much later and the shenanigans of last night wore me out. I did not have fun cleaning all that up today…

“Your partner masturbates. So what? It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your sex life. It just means your partner's human. 91% of men under age 70 have masturbated and 76% of women -- and likely many more. Masturbation has benefits, too: It relieves stress, helps with PMS pain in women, reduces early ejaculation in men, and may even help you sleep.” – WebMD.com

I correctly answered 12 out of 14 questions on WedMD’s “Bedroom Mistakes Women Make” quiz. Most were just common sense questions. It was a bit more informative than a Cosmo sex quiz though. You can take it here if you are interested: http://women.webmd.com/rm-quiz-bedroom-mistakes-women?ecd=wnl_sxr_050512

A note: For those of you who do not see the value in rap/hip hop music, the … enthusiasm and driving beat really pep this chemo patient up when she is feeling a bit down or tired. On the other hand, if I’m feeling really awful, it just gives me a headache.

My Cinco de Mayo

So much for no nausea...

I'm up much later than I normally am. I tried to go out with some friends for Cinco de Mayo dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I had a good time but of course I got tired before everyone was even done eating and ducked out early. As soon as I was in the parking lot, the sickness started to hit me. As I was driving home, it got worse and worse, but I tried to ignore it. I told myself I didn't need to pull over and I would be fine until I got home. All of the sudden, I started puking uncontrollably all over myself. The chips, gaucomole, queso, shrimp chile relleno, and tamales all came right back up very quickly. I had vomit all down my shirt, on the steering wheel, on my seat belt, in my seat, on my sandaled feet, and the crowning glory was the pool of vomit in my lap. I really don't give a damn if this was somehow disrespectful but I pulled off in a cemetery parking lot to try to get some of the puke off of me. It was the only convenient, somewhat secluded spot around. I took off most of my clothes and drove home half naked, hoping the whole way there wouldn't be a random DUI check point along the way because I didn't want to have to explain that I was covered in puke because I have cancer, not from being drunk.

Ah, the glamorous life of Cancer Girl....

Warm and Fuzzy

I got an unexpected glowing blog review that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! This is what someone I don’t know who regularly reads my blog had to say about it:

“I love that you write it so matter of factly and without self-defense mechanisms inhibiting you. I really liked the post where you talk about a nurse calling you an 'inspiration' and your response is something to the effect of "Why am I an inspiration? Because I managed to show up?" I like that when you're feeling down you write about it, and when you're feeling alright you write about it. I like that you post jokes! Your blog isn't about cancer, it's about you, and that's why I think it's valuable.”

That was really so nice to hear because sometimes I really feel like I am just talking to my self here and might as well just write this shit in some kind of private journal. 

Body images issues…They don’t die so easily. I got a bit scrawny for a minute there and now I seem to be about the same size I was before all these cancer shenanigans went down. That size was not fat by any means but I hate the feeling of knowing I gained a bit of weight. I want to know if very many people gain weight while going through chemo. I doubt it. I would like to form my own focus group and cancer and chemotherapy but I will probably have to settle for trying to Google it. Admittedly, I was eating a lot of junky foods and was able to consume those junky foods without trouble because I have had very little trouble with nausea. However, I got a bunch of healthy groceries yesterday. Lots of fruits, vegetables, and lean protein, and healthy snacks. Maybe I just feel so out of shape because I am not getting any exercise. I have yet to make it to a yoga class. I really don’t think I should feel as guilty as I do about this because I do get very tired and I think my primary job right now is to rest. So far I have been eating a lot better and I know that is good for my immune system. Here is the salad I made for lunch:

Spinach, fat free raspberry vinaigrette, grapes, strawberries, pear, roasted almonds, and goat cheese… yum!

I’ve also been taking really good vitamins and fish oil supplements, and that seems to have made a difference in my mood and how I’ve been feeling. I have had trouble with sleeping though, on and off, and that seems to contribute to me feeling crappy more than anything (well, anything other than say the cancer or the chemotherapy). I feel much better on the days when I get a great night of sleep the night before. After a night of waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep for a few hours, I feel extra exhausted and moody the whole day. My doctor is supposed to call me today about possibly taking some kind of medicine that will help me sleep through the night. If he doesn’t, I will be very annoyed since tomorrow is Saturday and I definitely won’t have any hope of hearing from him until Monday. I need good sleep!

Now I think I will try to do something productive while my energy level is still hovering at an acceptable level. Maybe work on getting the stuff together I need for some cancer scholarship applications or for this charity care application that could help with medical bills. I did not sleep well last night so it won’t be long before I just want to lie in bed and do nothing.

Droopy Dog

Why do people eat caesar salads? Yuck!

Why is my second toe longer than my big toe? Looks strange. 

Why does the Russian alphabet have to be so confusing?

Why can’t I find someone else with cancer to be my friend? :-(

Why can’t I donate all the cancer cells in my body to Rush Limbaugh?

Why can’t I speak every single language in existence without having to actually learn them?

Why can’t we get universal healthcare passed so I don’t have to worry that I can’t afford to have diabetes and cancer?

Why can’t I seem to pick up a book and start reading it? I love to read. 

Why have I gained a couple of pounds since starting chemo instead of losing weight? Not cool. 

Why do I check Facebook so often? I rarely see anything worthwhile there. 

Why do spicy foods make my nose run? (Gross)

Why can’t wigs be less hot and itchy?

Why does it have to get so fucking hot in Alabama during the summer?

Why did I get cancer? :-(

I get so tired that it feels like the area under my eyes is sinking down down down and I have to check a mirror to make sure I don’t look like this:

Me and Vlady

I have re-learned English since yesterday and so (more than likely) my posts will be in English from now on. 

My eyes have been really irritated and blood-shot lately. I was fairly sure it was an allergy issue, but with my immune system being in the toilet, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t some kind of eye infection. I went to see my ophthalmologist this morning and she informed that I just have really bad allergy problems in my eyes. So I have to start using prescription eye drops and wearing my glasses more often. I know that is not a terribly fascinating story, but it’s all I’ve got so far…

Yesterday I dug up this old picture of me and Vladimir Putin on our first date:

Needless to say, that love affair ended badly. We just didn’t have much in common…

¡Dios santo!

Lo siento pero no puedo recordar cómo hablar Inglés.

No es a las 2:00 de la tarde y hoy ya es mala. Yo quería ir a clase de yoga de esta mañana. Me senté fuera de la habitación equivocada en el gimnasio durante 20 minutos. Como una idiota. No yoga hoy. También necesitaba para comprar tinta para la impresora. He comprado el tipo incorrecto de tinta. ¡Malditos! No era barato.¡Qué desastre! Ahora tengo un dolor de cabeza y no ha hecho nada. Estoy agotada.

Estoy feliz de estar en casa ahora y hablando con mi ex prometido ruso. Es muy guapo y un poco simpático... a veces. ¡Viajo por el mundo en mi PC! Con más dinero y una mejor salud, lo que realmente quiero viajar. Cáncer es una perra…

No sé si alguien que lea esto sabe español. Me importa un culo.