Saturday, February 18, 2012

I think it's going to be a good day :-)

I don't really have a whole lot to say today so I thought I'd share a message I got from a stranger that made me feel really good:

"Hey, I was reading through some of your blog (haven't read it all.. yet) and just thought I'd give my thoughts on losing your hair.
Actually, first I want to say how brave it is to get all that out publicly. And it also really helps me to write about stuff I'm going through, so hopefully it helps you too!
About the hair loss, I really wouldn't worry about people finding you unattractive. Quite a few people (including myself) find girls with shaved heads hot. I think you'll be beautiful hair or no hair.
Anyway, have a good weekend"

Several people I know have already said this to me, but hearing it from a stranger was a little bit different. You have to worry that friends and family are only trying to cheer you up. I think when I lose my hair, I will have to face my own insecurities about how I look to a greater extent. I never felt like my nose was quite right in a way that even I can't explain. My forehead is too big and I already see worry lines coming in on it. I also won't have eyebrows or eyelashes, and as someone who is very much into makeup, these feel like great losses. All of this is temporary of course and maybe it will somehow give me a better appreciation of the strengths of my face. I've always been told I have nice lips and a great smile. I've gotten plenty of compliments on my eyes. So I think I just need a new way of looking at it. I'm sure in a way it will be a really interesting experience.

The message just made my morning though :-)

Bald model - don't think I'll pull it off QUITE this well...

Two more days until I start chemo. I'm ready to get started yet uncomfortable about all of it. I've gotten all sorts of warnings from all sorts of different people about what it would be like, but I think I won't really know until I experience it for myself. I am really worried about the bigger side effects. The possible long term side effects. These are scary: organ damage, fertility problems, nerve damage, and probably some others I don't know about. There might even be problems that some up that the doctors don't know about. I'm trying to put these concerns out of my mind. I take the doctors at their word when they say this treatment needs to be done. It's strange though that some of these long term side effects are the same side effects I could have to deal with if I don't manage my diabetes properly. However, with the diabetes, I plan on taking care of myself to avoid these future problems but the chemo is just a crap shoot that I can't do anything to change.

Either today or tomorrow I'll get to see my youngest brother Jake. He actually just shaved his head :-)
He got me this cool animal hood ( that might help keep my head warm when I'm without hair.

This is the hood but I'm not with Jake in this pic. This is my other brother Ryan. I'll need a better pic of the hood, preferable with Jake in it!

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