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Someone who passed through my life briefly when I was a child left only one memory behind, but it is distinct. Distinct memories are rare for me. She told me that not everyone will like me no matter what I do or say and that is something I just have to learn to accept. This sounds like an obvious bit of wisdom but it impacted me greatly at the time and I still have to remind myself of that basic piece of logic from occasionally.

I don’t think of you often anymore but I thought of you today. Recollections of my time spent with you faded quickly and I can no longer picture your face clearly in my mind. I still feel wounded that you do not even wish to speak to me because when I do think of you, I miss our conversations. I suppose it’s really some leftover emotion that I miss since any specifics to do with you are no longer clear. You are not even reading this. Another failure in a long line of emotional disasters. Maybe it’s a blessing that I have such a horrible memory. Or maybe it’s the reason I don’t seem to be learning from my mistakes. 

When I’m feeling down and out, everything seems bleaker. I had decided not too long ago that I would major in accounting and become an accountant. I told myself this was not to be questioned and took some comfort in my absolutist decision. I told myself I don’t have the luxury of doing whatever I like because of the health problems that keep piling onto me. I need a stable job with a good income and health insurance. I really need to be able to take care of myself. Even though I think accounting might be a great fit for me, I’m not sure and I’ve been feeling a bit panicky about it the last couple of days. This comes back to me being really impatient and wanting everything to be accomplished or answered immediately. I’m set to take my first accounting class starting at the end of August and I need just calm down and see how it goes. See how I just used this paragraph and my blog to talk some sense into myself? I might as well have started out this post with “Dear Diary…” or just have a conversation with myself aloud. 

I feel a bit better though. :-)

This is Emma’s new playmate, who has been renamed Amos. He’s a sweet dog and thankful they really seem to like each other and play well together. He had been living under a house and had both mange and heartworms until someone found him and nursed him back to health. Emma still looks really fat standing next to him though.