Search and Destroy

This morning I went in to the hospital for a chest x-ray (not completely sure why) and a CT scan of my abdomen. Even though I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had CT scans done this year, during exactly none of the other times did I have to drink two bottles of this (and then wait a whole hour for it to get into my system):

Mom in the background with her "There's Something About Mary" bracelets

Please note that the bottle says “Banana Smoothie.” It tasted nothing like a smoothie… it actually reminded me a bit of the taste and texture of Pepto-Bismol. Except I sort of like the taste of Pepto-Bismol and this barium stuff tasted awful. I know it didn’t help that I chugged it all quickly in an attempt to get out of the hospital quicker. I felt sure I was going to vomit for about half of the hour I had to wait before the scan. The nurse in charge of my CT scan was kind of an odd ball. When I asked her if the barium had sugar in it (being a good diabetic), she said, “No, it has no nutritional value at all. I like to have it for dessert sometimes.” Really lady? Also, she told me I look just like a kewpie doll, which I was very unhappy about after I figured out how to spell that and looked it up. She had to ask me if there was any chance I might be pregnant, as they always do, and when I said no, she said, “I’m sure you have no desire for sex right now.” Well, I don’t really have any desire to discuss that with you… um, what’s your name again? I’ll just remember you as weird lady. I guess now it probably seems like I was offended. Not really. I prefer weirdo to nurses with no personality who are obviously just on autopilot. And she wasn’t just weird; she was very sweet and thoughtful. 

I’m not going to try to explain the whole process of getting a CT scan, but they do have to inject contrast dye through an IV. Yet another potential concern I won’t look up the side effects for. It gives you a tingly sensation in your genital region and you sort of feel like you’ve urinated on yourself.  The worst part to me is when the machine tells me to take a deep breath and hold it… for 15 seconds I believe. It’s ridiculous but I’ve hated this part each time. I start to feel panicky and really, really want to let out my big breath and start to breathe normally. 

I’m guessing that my copay for the scan is $150 and I’m getting better at the “Guess that Medical Bill” game. Well, it was necessary and I’ll find out what Dr. Gore has to say about it on Wednesday morning. 

I like to fantasize that I’m a rock star instead of cancer girl. Whenever I sing along to a song though, I can’t help but sing harmony most of the time. I think this might be because I played trombone in my high school marching band and so harmony is what I’ve gotten used to (don’t laugh! I can see you laughing!)

The one and only, Freddie Mercury, wearing an outfit kind of similar to my marching band uniform