Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Let’s find out together!


A new review of my blog just came in!:

“Speaking of bitches, you're a gigantic one.  I work from home on Fridays, and I got jack-diddly done this past one because I was reading your blog front to back.  Way to be a procrastination-enabler and an engaging read.  Bitch.”

I might have to make a page of reviews. Pump up my fragile ego a bit. 

I feel a bit less stressed out about the future and more in the moment after getting so much classwork done yesterday. Current career plan I’m exploring: accountant. Backup plans: sex therapist, cultural anthropologist, ballerina, Swede, starving artist, pilot, body guard, hateful stare specialist, nuclear physicist, wild bear, writer of historical fiction, dog walker, sous chef, Cuban rapper, philosopher, bar whore, computer programmer, submarine… captain?, bounty hunter, cartoon character, arsonist, garbage collector …  etc.

I counted and the minimum number of pills I take per day is 21. This number makes me really uncomfortable. Today I saw one of my doctors and he reduced this number to 20. Unfortunately, this is part of an experiment to find out if I have bipolar disorder or not. By the way, I know some of the links I put here are silly, but if you do not know much about bipolar disorder, please find the time to look into the illness because I’m quite tired of hearing people use “bipolar” as a synonym for bat shit crazy, much like some people use “gay” as a synonym for bad or stupid…. STOP IT! Because of all the stereotypes associated with bipolar disorder, I was able to admit to getting so depressed that I tried to kill myself in a post… but never mentioned bipolar disorder. My doctor and I are not sure if I am bipolar or if I was misdiagnosed because I was leading an insane and horribly irresponsible lifestyle a few years ago. We shall find out. Don’t mistake my attitude for casual though. I was only on one medication used to treat bipolar disorder – the lowest dose possible – but this change still has me a bit worried. If my posts start to go off the deep end (weirder than my typical weird personality) then… call 911! (Please do not call 911 based on anything I say in this blog… Obviously…) 

It’s getting harder and harder to make myself look like… me. I always feel like my wigs look obviously fake, sometimes I look too tired for any amount of makeup to correct, and I estimate that I’m currently at 80% eyebrow and eye lash loss. Putting on my makeup used to be one of my favorite parts of the day, but it’s just not as fun anymore. Now when a stranger looks at me, I’m sure it’s not because that person thinks I’m pretty. It’s because I obviously have cancer. :-(

Even though this is getting long, I don’t want to end on a negative note. Some friends from work (well, I’m not technically employed anymore) are having a little party on Friday night. I’m going to go for as long as my low energy level will allow. I’m excited to spend time with so many friends I haven’t seen in a while!

3 comments:

  1. Being a Swede is a terrible gig!! Sure the pay and benefits are good, but you have to work in the cold and dark for much of the year, your co-workers are bound to be surly, and the coffee is awful. I'd pick any one of the others. Arsonist sounds promising, but since I'm business minded I'd synergize and become an arsonist/fireman, or - even more promising - a hitman/undertaker.

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    1. I think I would have trouble with the dark and cold, but is all coffee in Sweden really awful?
      Arsonist/fireman combo sounds like some kind of "hero" that creates his/her own disasters to save people from! :-P

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    2. You can get a good cup of coffee in a café. In the workplace people drink coffee all day long, but, to avoid caffeine-poisoning, it's really weak and pissy.

      Well that's some fucked up hero. Is he/she schizophrenic or something? He wouldn't be the first - Batman's probably schizophrenic. And Spider-Man. And Superman. And the Hulk.

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