Friday, March 2, 2012

The Case Against Online Dating:

Something to consider before jumping into online dating - you might end up spending a little too much time with someone you discover to be possibly insane:

"You need to smile more Mary Stewart. Nobody is ever going to be perfect, I have discovered that to build relationships to last means understanding both sides of the story. And if you have to tell a guy what to put in a message, then his response won't have a natural flow to it. I spend a lot of time writing so, I think about how words flow. This letter is just a stream of thought with the underline memories of the times we had. I met you when I first moved to Birmingham and I was thinking about moving. This all depends on the band and if any of my television pilots take off. I am very busy with that. I am slos not someone you will understand in one meeting, if you think you do, you really haven't paid attention. The biggest thing that you should keep in mind that true love isn't a gurentee, sometimes you have to find someone you can tolerate for a lifetime. I always have random things going on, and maybe I can show you new things, besides where to get candles shaped like dicks of course. You should send me your number."

This is a real message I got a few minutes ago from a guy I spent a little too much time with a few years ago. I should mention that though my name is Mary, it is not Mary Stewart, and the reason he says in his message that I shouldn't tell guys "what to put in a message" is because my profile on this dating site says, "Do not send me a message that just says, 'Hey.'" I suppose it's really my fault because I ignored the signs that his mind was just not in the same realm as the rest of us. This is because I thought he was very attractive. It's funny how we sometimes let people we find very attractive slide on all kinds of shit. I should make clear that I never felt that he was the dangerous type of crazy; he just lives in some other universe. Yet he randomly pops up and sends me some strange message from time to time despite me lack of positive reception. I believe I might have mentioned him in an earlier post about online dating... I mentioned the guy in the coffee shop that talked so damn loudly that everyone had to turn and stare to find out who the crazy was. And now it seems as though he might read this blog. Sigh......

Still on storm watch.

And still on hair watch too...

(pretend I'm wearing makeup please!)


  1. Yeah, that guy is using that sad "PUA" garbage on you (if you want a good laugh, or to have another bit of your faith in humanity destroyed--depending on how you look at it--Google it). The entire thing basically centers around alternating between giving backhanded compliments and insults to a woman in order to "make" her want to go out with the guy doing it.

    The only thing that makes it funny is the bullshit "code" these sad guys use when talking to each other.

    Not everybody that is on Online Dating is a creep like that, though (well, at least I hope not, but I can only speak for myself) to be fair I've had my fair share of creepy/nasty messages from women. Like that two week stretch of "maybe if you weren't a godless heathen you wouldn't have gotten cancer" messages I got after I put a mention of it in my profile before things went back to the usual weekly message or two telling me how I'll never get a date in Georgia as long as I keep saying I'm an atheist on my profile.

    You just have to find the humor in it. Like how I laugh at the mental image of those women being all about to send me a nice message, then flying into an irrational rage when they see I don't share their religious beliefs.

    You should totally reply to the creepy dude with something true, but completely beyond his ability to comprehend like "Sorry, I only continue to date guys that know the difference between Confidence and Jackass, buh-bye". His true colors will come out then.

    All that aside, I don't see anything wrong with the "pretend I'm wearing makeup" picture, am I missing something?

    1. The thing that really pissed off was that I wrote back to say I wasn't interested and he responded with a long messages that included the line "I've been through more than you'll go through in your entire life." I was furious!! I'll just go back to having cancer now...

    2. Ouch... saying something like "I've been through more than you'll go through in your entire life" is a very good way of making a fool out of yourself.

  2. Congrats on surviving the storm. It had turned to sleet and hail by the time it reached us. I like that the creepy guy bills himself as a superstar, but can't type legibly on a site that auto-checks your spelling for you.

    *snobby yorkshire accent* Does he have a yacht and a jet-plane and a pack of dobermans at his estate? *jingles brandy glass* Oh, Weatherford, my glass has emptied!

    It seems that maniacal narcissism is starting to run rampant in our generation.

  3. Hahaha, ever click that "Random profile" link on OKCupid to see where it lands? I just had the randomizer throw me over to the funniest/saddest profile ever written.

    Behold, the worst dating profile ever made!