Sunday, March 11, 2012

in a funk :-(


Yesterday was such a good day until the very end. During the last few hours before sleep, it seemed I lost a friend (the one I talked about having a fight with a couple of posts ago) and needed a good cry about it. I went to sleep early because I was having a hard time taking my mind off of it and just didn’t want to think about it anymore. 

Today I’m still feeling a bit down and out about it and the sad feelings seem to be rubbing off on other things as well. Like this blog for example. I can see stats for it… like how many people look at it each day and how many people from different countries are looking at it. But I don’t get many comments so I start to worry that what I’m saying is just really boring or silly or not well written at all. I hear sometimes from friends in real life they really like my blog, but since I’m really putting myself out there in a lot of ways, I worry that it’s just not interesting. 

And on top of that, my bad mood isn’t helping with my anxiousness about chemo tomorrow. Or rather, the way the chemo is going to make me feel.

Because I’m just not feeling in a great mood, that’s all I have to say today. I need to get out of this funk somehow.

*EDIT*

Now that I'm fully awake, have had some tylenol, a chat with my mom, and a skype with my pretend fiancé as my Natasha personality, I feel much better. My friends invited me to see My Week With Marilyn but they are going later tonight and I want to be well rested for chemo first thing in the morning, so I'm not going to go. I'm sad not to hang out with them though. I could use a girl's night out after being so down last night and this morning. Sweet Aaron (my coffee date) scanned the blog card I talked about yesterday since I couldn't figure out how to. Here it is:
Neat, right?

I was thinking I've talk about a few somewhat risqué and personal things here, but I will probably not end up discussing politics here. Partly because a lot of things that go on (and don't go on) frustrate me so much. I could never have a job having anything to do with politics because my blood pressure would be so high all of the time. Even when I watch shows about politics that are meant to be funny, I will get worked up sometimes. I also don't really care to ruffle any feathers with regards to politics on my cancer blog. I'm aware that my political views don't line up with the majority in Alabama for the most part (though it seems that a lot of people have looked at my blog in other states and other countries) but I am not in the mood to argue with anyone. Especially with these recent headaches. I also try very hard not to be one of those people that has a hard fast opinion about something I'm not well informed enough about (as it seems many politicians do!) and don't want to be the type of person to rant about something I don't have any business ranting about.

18 comments:

  1. Not at all, you're writing great blogs :)
    So great that it feels silly leaving a stupid comments!
    Love /The silent swedish girl stalking from Holland :D

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    1. That makes me feel a lot better :-)
      Tack!

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  2. I feel ya! But know that it is only a few people that actually comments on blogs.. and I also believe that you write about things that scare people.. and they (me) can feel like there are no words..
    There is so many things you can do with you blog, add photos, change layout, answer questions... there is no end to the possibilities. Me and Casey are actually moving in together next month with a girl and her man that I meet on mine blog (and hers too).

    Do you have Pinterest? There is a lot of blog inspo you can get from there.
    Also.. I can ften feel like I write so so much about my self in my blog and sometimes it drains you to be very personal. The just take a break, blog because you want it!

    If you need any help, Ill help you!

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    1. I haven't been able to figure out how to do all that cool extra stuff to my blog yet! I need to work on that :-)

      Sometimes I forget this blog is really more an outlet for me than something to entertain someone else

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    2. That is so true! On my blog I have written at the top: this is my blog and therefor I am the boss. I decide what is published, what comments that are approved. Etc. I think you are doing a fantastic job charing your life with us strangers.
      I hope you feel good after the 2nd round! Fuck cancer!

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  3. I just spent a long time composing a really great comment. I lost it out there in cyberspace :-(. Basically, I sent you positive energy and told you how much you are loved and cared for by people you don't even know. I am pretty sure the next few days won't be your best ever, but you appear to me to be one strong woman, so I believe you will handle it. In the meantime,, take deep breaths, watch either a ridiculously funny movie or a real tear jerker to "get itall out" Your blog is GREAT. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. I've had a lot of problems with comments getting lost on this site for some reason!
      I had a talk with my mom about being upset about my friend and she made me feel a lot better! Having great friends and family members always helps!

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  4. I've actually been trying not to comment so much on your blog because I'm afraid I'll sound like a cranky old man.

    I mean, like the guy you mentioned in an earlier blog acting like he couldn't be bothered to Skype. I'm just about 99% sure it's because the guy is hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet so he can have a "safe" friendship with you (not the least of which is probably based on a very huge lie that would be revealed if you real time video chatted with him). Hell, dude could be married and chatting with you while his wife is asleep and that would be one of the milder crazy people you'll run into online (I've had actual first dates where it turned out the woman was in her 50s and using pictures of her daughter as herself on her profile, so there really is no limit to the crazy out there).

    I guess what I'm saying is don't let yourself get upset over how some guy on the Internet acts. You've got tons of people that you actually know offline that care about you and that you know better than that dude (who is probably one of those sad sacks that obsesses over My Little Pony cartoons or something).

    Hope you got a good night's rest and that things went as well as they could for your chemo (assuming you read this then rather than tonight). If you get really bored or want to compare chemo notes some more, drop me a line on the other site we chat on. I could also share the longest setup for a joke you'll probably ever read, too, if you like. :p

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    1. Well, I think that he is a nice but there is something he doesn't want to tell me. But conversation has to go two ways.
      Chemo went pretty smoothly as you will see in the next post. Getting my stomach drained was the interesting part.

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    2. Here is that story I mentioned above, if you get bored and want to read it (trying to remember HTML tags here, hopefully this works).

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    3. I'll try to read it a bit later today. Right now I'm sorting through these confusing medical bills :-(

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  5. I'm a Japanese.I'm sorry for making you worry.

    I wanted to make a comment,but Google system considered me as bot once and again.I don't know why.

    I wonder there are some foreigners can read in English,listen in English,but not good for writing in English,speaking in English just like me.

    Anyway you are brave pretty girl,I wanna check your blog out.

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    1. Thank you for the nice comment! It makes me feel better! :-)

      I want to visit Japan someday!

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    2. Just so you know, your English is very decent! Google is stupid for thinking you're a bot, though.

      Apparently Google forgot I gave a name for the first one. Hmm.

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  6. Hoping Chemo goes well today.
    We are still here...

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    1. My next post describes the whole post in great detail! haha

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